Women Cannot Be Sexy and Respected
Do you agree with this? Today I’m going into why this is still an issue for modern women and breaking down why only women have the power to change this for our daughters.
A quick peek around my site and you’ll get a pretty clear idea of who I am and what I’m all about. I’m all about helping women by lifting them up in their businesses and relationships. I want to inspire and change the world for the better one life at a time. So you can imagine my shock when a few weeks ago I received this email (her name was removed for privacy).
I just signed up for your Business Darling news letters and information. I enjoyed reading your articles and information you have available. I am intrigued on how blunt and honest you are and you do it with a bit of kindness. I was excited to start reading the tips you have available after signing up for the subscription. After clicking on “My top tips every website should have” your profile picture is the first thing I saw. I hope you don’t mind me being completely honest with you, due to how honest you are with everyone else in the photography world, as a professional I don’t think your profile picture is the best photo to post on a professional site. I tried to continue reading your article after looking at your profile picture but how can I take advice from someone that has posted an image of herself where it looks like her breast are ready to fall out of her shirt? If I were looking for a photographer to take my daughters senior photos and came across your page with that image on it, I wouldn’t hire you. I won’t even continue looking at your page. I would think thats the photography style you have chosen and I would NOT want my daughter having images taken of her like that. Details are everything and that detail is one that shound’t be displayed or missed. Please don’t get me wrong, you are a very pretty women and I’m sure you have great advice. But A picture is the first impression and I don’t want to see your breast hanging out of your shirt like that nor have it be the main focal point of your image AND it is very unattractive in a professional way. Like I stated I was very excited to learn more from you, then I saw your profile picture and with all due respect you might need to read your own advise. It’s not the worst image by any means it’s just not the most professional one. I hope this does not upset you with me sharing my thoughts and being honest. I won’t be able to take advice from someone who does not follower their own. We are here to help one another and you have helped me with the first article I read of yours.
Just being honest.
You can browse my site to see the offensive images. I must say she tried her absolute best to give her opinion without being hurtful and I really admire that. I gave it a few days to marinate until I was finally ready and then I sent this response:
Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate the time you took to read my advice and that you found it helpful. I’m sorry that you found my photo offensive, but I find it admirable that you privately messaged this to me. However that is the body I have after having my child. I do not find breasts offensive. You are entitled to your opinion and please do not be offended by the fact I am proud of my body and find nothing wrong with wearing as much or as little as I want. We are all individuals with very different beliefs. The beauty of working for yourself is being true to yourself. I’m half latin and enjoy being a sexy powerful women. I do not find this unprofessional. In fact I occasionally do boudoir style photography. I find shaming women for their bodies wrong. This is my personal belief. I believe a woman should be able to walk around without a shirt, breast feed a child in public, and not feel shame or threatened. This is being true to myself. I know many people are religious and find the female form shameful. I respect your right to feel this way.
My business is aiming to attract those that not only get my message but are my target market. A sexy, powerful, and fashion loving female is my target market. I have good friends that are extremely religious who have target markets that are other conservative females. They may not agree with my beliefs and how I feel about women’s rights, but they love and accept me.
I’m sure you would have no problem finding someone that speaks directly to you and your beliefs. That just isn’t me, but that’s totally OK!
Good luck in your journey and I wish you much success!
I feel comfortable with my reply, but this still left me shaken up. I’ve never passed judgement on others for what they wear. OK, that’s not true I do try to help people I know when I see them incorrectly wear makeup. I’ll show them primer and how it helps eye shadow stay on evenly and longer without that icky crease line on your eyelid. But as far as showing too much or too little skin, you really have to go all out to get me to look twice. In fact I get upset when my friends judge other women for dressing sexy when society thinks they are not allowed.
I remember once I was in a movie theater with my dear friend and she started laughing at a young lady with a very tight shirt and very short shorts. Only she wasn’t thin, she was overweight and spilling out here and there. I don’t care, doesn’t effect me, let her do her. But when my friend laughed, I got offended. Only because we don’t know her and her story. She might have just lost 200 pounds and feels awesome. This may be the best she’s ever looked and she is proud of herself. Who the hell is anyone to crush this poor girl for what she wants to wear? I thought of scenario after scenario and got more and more upset. Women are supposed to empower each other not push them down.
Then I’ll be out with my heavier friends who think it’s OK to make fun of me because I’m (pre-baby) too skinny and have no boobs. They would remark that I looked like a boy, blah blah blah. My thin arms…oh those are “Alien arms”. Thankfully, you can throw whatever you want at me and I have always been able to brush it off. People hate that about me. ::smiles:: But I’ll be damned if I sit back and allow someone else to get mocked for being too this or that in front of me. I don’t care if you are drop dead gorgeous in tight dress with tons of cleavage, no one has the right to tell you that makes you vain or less intelligent.
The problem is this is mostly women doing it to other women. I wonder if the witch hunts were just jealous women trying to get their husbands to stop starring at sexy women by calling them out as witches. Because obviously their husbands wouldn’t look at another women without supernatural forces involved.
It’s a way for women feeling down about themselves to put women they are threatened by in check. It’s also a way to force your religious and moral beliefs on others. To comfort yourself by telling yourself you are better than someone else.
Imagine being called out by a Muslim women for not being in a burka. Oh no everyone can see more than just your eyes, you’re a WHORE!!!! How would that make you feel? It’s a hot day in Miami, but you’re going to the beach in a black burka because someone else will be offended otherwise. Someone who has totally different beliefs than you do, a completely different cultural and religious background. How many different cultures and religions are in the USA? It gets confusing pretty fast. You’re always offending someone.
So let me talk about my culture and background. My mother is Cuban and my father is Persian. Cubans and most Latin women here in Miami are very prude and religious, but they dress extremely sexy. That is their cultural beliefs. It’s not uncommon to find a women in a short tight dress with full on cleavage who is 20 something and still a virgin. She’ll probably stay a virgin until marriage.
My father lived in Iran when they had strip clubs, nude beaches, and it was just like any free European country. He left and never went back because of the forced religion on the people who are mostly agnostic. Can you imagine if in the USA they suddenly took away alcohol, clubs, and forced women to cover up? Even if that wasn’t your religion you were forced to cover up. Most people there as in this country are not Muslin. It was very drastic and devastating.
Now I’m not picking on Muslims or any other religion. I’m just pointing out that in this country we have many different religions and cultures. To say that just yours is correct and impose it on the rest of us is wrong. You wouldn’t like that done to you. So as stated in most religions in one way or another…
Do on to others as you would have them do on to you.
Let’s go into how being offended by cleavage is also sexist. Breasts are not sexual objects. They are there to feed our children. Many cultures are not offended by nipples. All mammals including males have nipples. Men are free to run shirtless while women are told to cover their shame with painful annoying contraptions at all times. Even at most beaches we are not free. A man walks around sexy and shirtless with his hot abs and tight butt, but no one threatens him or slut shames him on the street. No one yell obscenities.
I want to live in a world where both men and women are equal. Women can breastfeed their infants without coverups on hot days. They can run and play on a beach shirtless feeling safe just like children. And they are not responsible for the actions of others that try to bring them down by saying how they dress is “asking for it”.
It has to start with us. We women need to stand together. We need to stop putting each other down due to our beliefs, jealousy, or fear. A beautiful sexy women CAN be powerful. She can be intelligent. She can be a leader. Beauty and sex appeal do not have anything to do with how professional you are. How much or how little of yourself you want to show the world does not define you. Let’s fight for the next big social rights fight together. Let’s fight for all women to be equal to men. To walk the streets alone with their chests out IF THEY WANT.
Before you comment please watch this:
So in my humble opinion if boobs offend you so should this:
Just for fun let’s slut shame Zac Efron to make a point of how stupid it really is…
Look at him walking around with his hard pecks what a skank. I heard he only got where he is because of his abs. Let’s see if he gets another movie part without taking his shirt off. He doesn’t have any talent, he just gets off on his looks. I can’t take someone who goes around without a shirt seriously in life. I want to live in a world where my son gets where he is because of how intelligent he is and doesn’t feel he has to take off his shirt for women to notice him. What a terrible role model!
For more examples that women CAN be sexy, smart, and successful check out this list: The Hottest Female Geniuses
To our success ladies (and gents)! We can do this, but only together!