I know this happens everywhere, but through my travels and experiences I also know, with conviction, it happens a LOT more here.  Jealousy in friendship, the green-eyed monster.  Maybe it’s the Miami heat frying everyones’ brains.  Perhaps the competitive nature of a varied Latin multicultural melting pot and cramped city life.  Whatever it is, it was such a hard pill to swallow, I still gag from the memory.

how losing all my friends was the best thing that ever happened to me

I moved around so much growing up that outside my mother’s friends’ children and a few cousins I didn’t get exposed to the same kids long enough to maintain great or deep friendships.  I made my first friend at the end of middle school.  Sadly she past away the first year I was in high school.  This led me to date my male friend and really only other close friend.  When that ended poorly all I had was a few female friends from high school.

This was my main social group as the rest of my friends had moved away and it was hard to stay close.  I had been through high school with these girls.  I had confided in them, loved them through their many faults and lies.  To me, it was unconditional like family.  You love them no matter what, forgive and move on no matter what the mistake.  That’s how I love anyway.

It was very one-sided.  Oblivious to me, they hated me.  Probably always, but who can say for sure?  They were true frenemies.  Not in my life to help me up when I fall, but to to point at my fall and enjoy it.  Which they really did.  I always in the back of my mind knew this, but for the sake of history, I pushed the thought back down where I couldn’t really feel it.

My bad times were dark and lonely.   When they wanted to feel good about their own lives they would come around.  When I was so down it annoyed them, I couldn’t reach them.  When things looked up for a moment, they were gone until things were not quite right again.  It was a vicious circle.  Through it all lots of gossip about me was spread, most I’ll never know about.  Above all else, I’ve just wondered why.

Jealousy in Friendships

But we already know why.  It’s the same why that compels people to talk down and bad about celebrities.  They don’t deserve this or that.  They only got where they are by being/doing [insert deplorable act].  It’s the green-eyed monster.  Those that cannot do, make excuses for those that do.  Every moment of triumph I’ve ever had was brushed off as a mistake.  Someone must have missed something, perhaps they just felt sorry for me, no one like I deserved anything good.  Forget earning it.

It wasn’t all their fault.  I see that now.  I never corrected the slight put-downs.  I never shut it down from the very beginning.  I made excuses for them.  “They are going through something”, “they are feeling bad about themselves”, etc.  Rather than bringing the dig up immediately and letting them know it was not acceptable…I excused it and ignored it.

That was all on me.  You teach others how to treat you.  I taught them that their rude and horrible comments were allowed.  That was 100% my mistake.  Never forget that!

You teach others how to treat you.

I hit my lowest of the low points.  They left me to die.  Figuratively and near literally.  I was in a horrific car accident and in massive pain.  I had to take a break from college, couldn’t sleep, depressed.  The only thing worse than nearly being killed by a drunk driver was no one cared.  No one called.  No one came by.  Well, one person.  She’s now one of my best friends, but that’s another story.  These girls were MIA.

It wasn’t the fact that I was utterly alone,  it was the realization that I always had been that truly freed me.

When I came out of my funk and the pain, I was changed.  In almost every way.  I realized that I almost left the entire world and no one noticed.  I meant nothing to these girls.  Worse, I meant nothing to the world.  What good did I do?  Who’s life did I make better?  All I cared about was that no one came to see me, but in my pain I realized that other than these frenemies that did not want my help or support to begin with, I never was of service to anyone.  I was giving to the WRONG people.  I was wasting my life!

So there it was hitting me in the face.

If I wanted to have real friends, if I want my life to matter, if I wanted to go out one day and be truly missed….

I had to matter.  For that I have to be a friend, to be of service, to help OTHERS.  I had to help others out of funks.  I had to be the catalyst for others to change.  Not just anyone, the RIGHT people.  The people that believed in me.  The people that didn’t secretly want me to fail.  No, the ones that wanted me to fly.  They wanted me to fly because they know when I do I’ll show them how.  I’ll support them until they can fly on their own.

If that sounds too cheesy for you to handle without rolling your eyes, guess what.  I’m not talking to you.

If it sounds like that’s just someone you need in your life.  Then maybe you’re in the right place.

That’s my why.  Why I’m writing, why I’m here still on this Earth.  I’m not for everyone.  But if I’m for you, I welcome you.  Join my list.  Interact.  This is a safe positive place to be.  Thank you for being here.

 

To Our Success Darling!

xo, Kat